were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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