is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
