my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
