Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
