who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
