It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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