he wants to bone in the snuggie
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
