i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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