did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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