Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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