I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize