Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
