these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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