our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
