I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
