hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
