I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
