i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
