R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
