I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
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but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
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Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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