She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
