it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
