Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
