My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
