Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
