did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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