i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
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I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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