census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
