I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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