Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it was like eating out sand paper
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
