haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
