Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
