sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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