too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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