if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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