he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you win again, gameday.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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