How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
false alarm. still invincible.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
