Your face is a jimmy john
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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