He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
