Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
