the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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