I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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