very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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