So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
