U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
