Don't make out with my wife yet
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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