Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have tasted many bathrooms
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
