Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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