I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
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Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
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And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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