never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize