dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all