My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
pray to the hookup gods
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
