BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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