Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
