He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
