walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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