Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
