There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
