i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
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The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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