Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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