the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
