how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
