filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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