I was born with a shot glass in my hand
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
