I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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