WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
