If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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