I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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