I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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