i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
