So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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