I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
