erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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