Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
